Last night was the celebration of the 70th Emmy Awards which celebrates the biggest and best surrounding the world of television. The red carpet was rolled out to be graced by celebrities, the attire was as elegant as ever and the lights were shining bigger than a shooting star. All this hub bub had me thinking though. What if these awards that were given out last night, were given out to the best athletes in the world rather than the big time television stars? Now I know sports have the ESPYS which are the awards that celebrate the biggest moments in sport, but that’s not what I am talking about. I am talking about applying the main awards that were given out last night, and distributing them to the deserving sporting events, teams or respected athletes. So without further ado, I now present you the 2018 Emmys of Sports.
Outstanding Comedy Series – The 2017 Cleveland Browns
Now it is no surprise that the 2017 Cleveland Browns are taking home this award and surprisingly enough, this is their 8th straight time bringing home some hardware. In 2017, the Browns were so bad, it actually became somewhat of a mockery to the NFL and the product on the field seemed anything but productive football. The Browns finished the season with a dreadful record of 0-16, cementing their status as one of the worst teams in NFL history. This awful season also put Browns head coach Hue Jackson at a horrid 1-31 record over the last two seasons. If you are not rolling on the floor just yet, Browns general manager John Dorsey decided to bring Jackson back to coach the Browns in 2018 as he stated “I don’t think Hue has lost his magic.” And with that quote, I present to you the outright winner of the “Most Outstanding Comedy Series,” the 2017 Cleveland Browns.
Outstanding Drama Series – “The Decision”
July 8th 2010. The greatest player in the world sits down with freelance sportscaster Jim Gray to tell him and millions upon millions of others watching on TV where he would “take his talents,” as he was currently an unrestricted free agent and needed to pick a place to call home. The almost hour and a half long program was a suspense ridden masterpiece, as fans were waiting on the edge of their seat, as this one decision, this one man, could change the rest of their lives. As time passed, suspense got larger and larger and it became seemingly clear that nothing else in the world mattered that night besides the decision. My entire family could have been abducted by aliens and I would tell them to hold on for a little bit because this is what is important at the time being. Lebron eventually made his decision to the world and rang out the famous words that will go down in history as he stated “I am taking my talents to South Beach.” Lebron would than go on to win back to back championships with the Miami Heat and this soap opera will never be forgotten for as long as we live.
Outstanding Individual Achievement In Animation – The Fox Sports Robot
This might be the biggest layup in the history of award shows. The FOX robot absolutely fucks. For starters he is dope as hell. He can dance, look cool and oh yea, HE IS A DAMN ROBOT. Second he is incredibly reliable. He is there every Sunday on your screen getting you ready for the game. This dude gets me fired up and if I had one guy to go to war with, this man is my pick. The Fox Sports Robot is the type of guy who shows up to work before anyone and leaves last, because he wants it more than you. I love this guy, enough said. Easy choice.
Outstanding Period Costumes – Navy Football: It’s more than just a game
Every December, on a cold winter’s day, Army and Navy play in an annual game that is widely considered the biggest rivalry in college sports and is a rivalry that means way more than just a game. For the special occasion, Under Armor makes sure that the Naval Academy looks fresh for their special day. They do this by creating a different jersey for them each year, specifically for the Army-Navy game. These jerseys have deep rooting meanings and are some of the more memorable uniforms you will ever see. Last years jersey however, was exceptionally special. The Naval Academy ran out of a snowy tunnel rocking a special blue jersey with special helmets that gave a tribute to the famous “Blue Angels.” To start our examination of this jersey, we will start by breaking down the pants and top of these special unis. As the pants are concerning, Navy goes with a Navy (fitting) blue base with a gold stripe running down the sides. On the right side on the upper thigh we see a gold Under Armor sign and on the left we see the schools logo. The Jersey is a Navy Blue color, matching the pants that is highlighted by gold numbers, a gold UA symbol, and a gold Navy that runs across the chest. On the back, each Navy player wears the same last name, as the name reads, “Midshipmen,” a military rank that each player aspires to be and a bond that each player shares. It is a term that rings true and through throughout the Academy and is one that the school takes great pride in. On the shoulder of the Jersey, Navy is supported with a patch that demonstrates the official logo of the Blue Angels, The United States Navy’s flight demonstration squadron. The helmet continues to honor the Blue Angels as plastered on the helmets base, is different Naval planes that The Blue Angels fly. The Helmet is a baby blue color with a shiny gold face mask and looks extremely crisp and smooth. Although this jersey looks extremely nice and is one of the better looking jerseys in America, the reason it is so high on this list is because it shows a great job of showing that for The Naval Academy they are playing for so many more things than just the game of football, they are playing and will one day be fighting for our country and foe our freedom.
Best Supporting Actor – A White Walk-On In College Basketball
These guys are the freaking best. No they don’t play, no they don’t make a real contribution to the team, but boy will they support the shit out of you and are living the freaking dream. Picture being a walk-on at Duke University. Some people would say that it would suck because you are putting in all the work on the practice court just to get no playing time but my spin on it is quite different. For starters, you get the best seat in the house every night. Second, you don’t have any of the pressures that the actual players have but can still say you are on the team. Third, you can do funky dances after every three pointer and slap a towel on a court like it is nobodies business. The starts of these power programs look at you for support. You are their cheerleaders, their pick me ups and who knows, you could even be their footrests at times. So to all you white walk ons who do not get noticed throughout the season, this award is for you, as all your hard work to be supportive has finally paid off.
There you have it! The 2018 Emmys through sports. I hope you have enjoyed the programs and if you have any ideas of what I should do next please let me know in the comments below!