The time was 7:24AM. A text pops up on my phone that reads as followed “Guys Fortnite is fun again I’m not joking chapter 2 is dope af.” I was still asleep at this time. When I woke up to take my morning deuce, I was quite confused as to who would send me such an outlandish text. The last time I played Fornite was well…., never o clock and the presumption that I would be interested in chapter 2 because it was “dope af” was quite silly to me. Who sent me this text you may ask? None other then my good friend David Stec.
See, what you must know about David is that he is a dashing young man. A conosuer of sorts. He drinks his coffee black and never wears the same outfits twice. However, David has a problem. Like many teens in America today, David is addicted to video games. It derives him from everyday activities and limits his freedoms on life. Me and my friends have tried to reach out to good ole’ Dave and get him help, but our concerns always fall flat on deaf ears. It is as if, we are the bad guys in Fornite and Dave is trying to get that one last kill before bedtime.
Anyway, let’s go back to my toilet seat on Tuesday morning. I didn’t think much of the text at the time and decided to go about my day. I ate breakfast, went to class, played with my dogs and watched some TV. The Usual. However, this was not any ordinary day. At 4:00 eastern time, the New York Yankees would be hosting the Houston Astros in game 3 of the ALCS. Now, I am no Yankees fan…in fact, I hate the Yankees, but I love baseball and I knew, no matter the circumstances were, my eyes would be glued to Fox Sports One at 4 sharp. The game begins and the Bronx is absolutely rocking. High fives being shed left and right, babies being thrown in the air and the smell of beer being present all the way from my home in Jersey. At one point in time I even thought to myself “If you are a Yankees fan or even a baseball fan for that matter, and are not watching this game, then what the hell are you doing with your life?” That’s when EVERYTHING went wrong.
At approximately 5:30PM, I receive this text from a source who shall not be named.
My initial though was “Wait, am I being Punk’d? What you guy’s need to understand is that Dave is a DIE HARD YANKEES FAN.
This is the playoffs. They only come once a year and each game is as important as the resurrection of christ. I knew dave’s video game addiction was bad, but THIS is a whole new level of scary.
To the Yankees fan base, I want to apologize for my friend. You guys put way too much time in all season to have a guy play fortnite during game 3 of the ALCS. It is unacceptable and someone must be held accountable. While you are holding you breath through every pitch, Dave is trying to rack up kills with his squad. While YOU, as passionate fans, are feeling actual pain after a heartbreaking postseason loss, Dave is hitting the Orange Justice on the rally bus. It is just does not add up for a DIE HARD fan.
Finally, this paragraph is for you Dave. I love you. You know that. And I want you to be successful at life. But this video game addiction has to stop. I want my friend back and the grip on your PS4 controller has just become way to strong. But I am not alone. Here are a few of your closest friends to share some words of encouragement. We are all in this together – High School Musical.
“Fornite is a game, not life” – Jane Doe
“Put the controller down and pick up the pencil Dave” – Frank the Farmer
“I hate you” – Andrew