Happy Thanksgiving my friends!! I write to you from the beautiful state of Florida in which I am soaking up the sun and enjoying some much-needed R and R. As today is a day in which food is consumed as an astronomical rate, I thought it would be appropriate to rate the top 5 thanksgiving day foods. These foods can range anywhere from an H’or doeuvre to a scrumptious dessert. So without further ado, let’s kick off our list with a thanksgiving staple that is sure to turn a head or two at the turkey day table.

5. Gravy

Now, hear me out before you say anything. Gravy is the QB of the thanksgiving day meal. Without gravy, your turkey is dry, your mashed potatoes are boring and your meal might as well be thrown in the Gar-bage. Gravy ties a good thanksgiving dinner together. And I’m not talking about the gravy you buy at any old grocery store. I am talking about the kind of gravy at your grandmother’s house that takes DAYS To make. That is the shit that hits the spot.

4. Apple Pie

There are two types of people in the world. People who prefer apple pie over pumpkin, and psychopaths. Listen, nothing is wrong with Pumpkin pie. If a slice sits in front of me, I am going to eat it, but apple pie just slaps different. The warm, apple pie filling which is covered by the soft, flakey shell is a delicacy that will live on in Thanksgiving homes forever.

3. Mashed potatoes

May I now present to you the SG of the thanksgiving day starting five. Mashed Potatoes are a dish that does just the right amount of work. No more or no less. Could Mashed Potatoes hit a three-pointer in transition? Hell yea! But I do not think Mashed Potatoes are going to dunk all over you, creating a poster that will be placed for sale on black Friday.

2. Homemade Bread

If you know one thing about me, it is that I am a huge carbs guy. Am I proud of that? Probably not. But good bread is like good sex. You just can’t get enough. If you go to thanksgiving day dinner, and the hosts home makes their bread…. OH BABY, it is on like Donkey Kong. You are going to pop them little shits like they are popcorn. If I had to compare homemade bread to a professional athlete, I would probably choose Zion Willamson. An absolute show stopper that will never get boring to watch (and or eat.)

1. Stuffing

“WHERE THE HELL IS TURKEY WTF. I HAD TO READ THIS WHOLE THING JUST TO NOT GET TO TURKEY, WHAT A JOKE.” Let me explain. If you guys took just ONE bite of my aunt Patties famous stuffing, I GUARANTEE you that this dish would go straight to the top of your turkey day list. I don’t know if she puts crack in it, but it is a plate that I have once a year, and can’t get enough of. It is so good in fact, that when October comes around, I will create a “Countdown to Stuffing” calendar in my room in anticipation of the big day. So the next time Thanksgiving rolls around, I advise you to get yourself an aunt Patty, so your Thanksgiving day will be as joyful and flavorful as mine.