Episode 2 – Memorial Day and Watermelons
Memorial Day has always been one of my favorite holidays. The taste of the ice-cold beer and the smells of the meats on the grill has always tickled my fancy. For my family, Memorial Day is a Halladay where we go all out. We host a huge breakfast in the morning, as a parade comes by my house and in the afternoon, we are the hosts to a neighbourhood wide pool party.
Unfortunately, because of the Coronavirus, Memorial Day has been turned on it’s head. No more parades and no pool parties.
All fun was not lost, however, as I was able to experience a watered-down BBQ to celebrate the holiday. I played some Kan Jam, downed some dogs and drank some high noon which must I say is a sexy ass drink.
The highlight of the BBQ came during dessert time as the Snyder/Fanella clan partook in their annual watermelon eating contest. I was the defending champ and had the immense pressure of maintaining my crown. The following sequences are the events that showcase my quest for the 2 peat.
During the quarterfinal round, I was paired up with my 32-year-old Aunt Rikki. Rikki is a mother of 5 who had no real-time to be preparing for this event. I mean this in the nicest way possible, this thing was over before it even started. I had advanced to the final four and was feeling better than ever.
I’m not sure what the hell went wrong with the seeding, but all of a sudden I look to my right and see that I am going to be facing my cousin Arif in the semi-final round. Arif, who is a doctor that married is to the family is an absolute hoss. I had just witnessed the dude scarf down 4 hot dogs about an hour before and began shaking in my boots. I knew Arif was the only man who had the chance to take my crown. It was time to buckle down.
As the whistle blew, I began to feel myself get in quite the rhythm. I was chomping away and felt the juicy watermelon course through the back of my throat. Arif was keeping pace, but I knew that he was eventually going to gas out. During the final stretches of the race, I found a second win and squeaked out a narrow win. I jumped out of my chair and began furiously high fiving my elderly relatives. I had advanced to the finals and began smelling the 2 peat.
The Finals had arrived and standing between me and history was my 16-year-old cousin Bella. Bella is one of the shyest people you will ever meet but was one having one of the most impressive watermelon eating runs I had ever seen. She had absolutely blown out the competition thus far and was making a B line straight for the title. My title.
It is also important to note that Bella weighs a total of no more than 70 pounds. I say that figuratively because I don’t know how much girls actually weigh but the point is, she’s skinny.
As the final began I knew it was all but over. Bella couldn’t keep up with my explosive bite and was getting blown out of the water. As I finished the watermelon down the rhyne, I began thinking of all the people who help got me to this point. My family, my friends and most importantly, Mr. Watermelon for being so delicious.
I had done it. I had repeated as the watermelon-eating champion of the world. How did I celebrate you may ask? By going to the bathroom and puking guts full of Watermelon out. Happy Memorial Day!