Episode 16 – The Beauty of Competition
I love competition. From the minute I wake up to the minute my head hits the pillow, I live for the competitive spirit that is life. To be frank, however, I never realized just how competitive I was. This is, until the other day when my baby cousin Molly, asked me a simple question. “Why do you make everything a competition?” “Shut up Molly,” I muttered under my breath. But maybe she was right. Maybe I did make everything a competition. I then reminisced on the day’s event.
8:00 a:m – I woke up and the first thing I did was complete an assignment for my online, summer class. Why did I do it so early? Because I wanted to be the first one in my entire 250 person class to finish.
12:00 p:m – I take a ride down to my Aunts house where I am greeted by 5 of my favourite cousins. Mind you, these cousins range from the ages of 3-10 years old and for all intents and purposes, are not a “Threat” to my game. But anyone with a pulse can be seen as pray so, in my eyes, all is fair in love and war.
12:30 p:m – It is now time for the 6 cousins to have a Mario Cart tournament on Mollys Nintendo Switch. You guys may not know this about me, but I am actually one of the worlds best Mario Cart players. I dominate the tournament and leave my relatives in the dust. SORRRY
1:00 p:m – I take the “older” cousins out on a bike ride because it is a beautiful day. A normal person may plan out a scenic ride that would be peaceful for all, but I am in no way a routine individual. I planned out a high-speed race that was won by you guessed it, yours truly.
2:00 p:m – To cool off from our vigorous bike ride, me and the cuzzos hopped in my Aunts pool. While swimming, I created a game in which you had to swim to the other side as fast as you can, without being caught. It was kind of like a watered-down version of sharks and minnows. Of course, I took it way too seriously and ended up poking my 7-year-old cousin Harris, square in the eye. Sorry about that buddy.
Okay, so maybe Molly was right. Maybe I do make everything a competition. But is that so bad? Competition makes my heart race. The feeling of winning is like the feeling of an orgasm to me, man. I just can’t get enough of it.