Offense; I’ve Never Heard Of Her By: Peter Snyder

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I usually shy away from blogging about the Phils, simply based off the fact that I will get way to worked up, and regret what I say during a later date, but things need to be said. Lets cut to the chase. This team is not that good. They are filled with more holes then swiss cheese and wouldn’t to be able to hit water from a sinking ship. We are only 23 games through the season, but when I tell you this team has taken years off my life….well, this team has taken years off my life. The purpose of this blog is to vent, analyze, and discuss the current disaster that is the 2021 Philadelphia Phillies.

The date is April 26th. It’s a chilly Monday evening as the Phils are set to face the St. Louis Cardinals, the second, and final leg of the teams 7 game road trip. On Sunday, in what was arguably the worst loss of the season, the Phils got their asses handed to them by the Colorado Rockies by the score of 12-2. The team didn’t hit, Chase Anderson looked like a snail, and the rubber match folded like a lawn chair on the 4th of July. Because this was a 7:45 first pitch our time, I was able to get in a post dinner work out. Why does this matter? Well sometimes, after I work out, I feel as if I can produce more than Roman Quinn.

The major story coming into this one was that Odubel Herrera, who had not seen Major Leauge action since 2019, due to a domestic violence dispute, had been called up and would be the teams starting CF for the forceable future. Who’s spot was he replacing? Former #1 overall pick Mickey Moniak who was sent down after batting a wait for it…whopping .120 BA. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass Mickey.

SIDE NOTE: What I am about to seem harsh, seeing that the Phillies won, but it is important to note that you are not going to be able to rely on the greatness of Aaron Nola and Zack Wheeler every night.

The Phils bats, who have been primarily dead for the majority dead for the season, were set to face 16 year MLB vet, Adam Wainwright. Old Waino, who is now 39 years of age, was entering this start with a +5 ERA and is clearly not the pitcher he once was. So surely, the Phillies would be able to pounce on Waino…right? WRONG.

Adam Wainwright proceeded to throw his 25th complete game of his career. Aside from Rhys Hoskins, who hit two solo home runs, the Phillies offense looked absolutely lifeless. They were late on Waino’s cutter, in front of the change and couldn’t hit a curveball for the life of them. In total, if you were to take away Rhys two homers, the Phillies managed to have just 4 hits (3 from JT Realmuto,) to go along with 8 strikeouts, absolutely laughable. But hey, maybe the bats will wake up tomorrow.

April 27th

Another 7:45 first pitch. I had a 3:10 tee time and barely make it home for first pitch. Golf was great and frankly, the only thing that could spoil this night would be another stinker by the Phillies offense (This is totally not foreshadowing at all.) Facing the Phils tonight is Carlos Martinez, a pitcher who used to be nasty, but has been plagued with injuries over the last couple of years, leaving him as nothing more than a liability to a rotation. The last time the Phils faced Martinez, which was only a couple of weeks ago, it was hunting season, as the Phils bats teed off for 6 runs off the shaky righty. Would we see a repeat of the same. HAHAHA OF COURSE WE WOULDN’T!

Apparently, Carlos Martinez became the second coming the second coming of Bob Gibson over night, and mowed down the Phils offense like it was a hobby. But ya know what, I am going to stop myself right there. Because I feel as if that is what myself, as well as most Phillies fans have been doing to start the season. We are making excuses for the sorry ass offense by saying “Well, they ran into good pitching tonight, there’s nothing you can do about it.” Well sure, that may be true if you face Jacob Degrom, but the Phillies offense had 2 hits tonight against a guy who has a 6+ ERA. There is literally, no excuse for that. That is called having a bad…lost, sorry, excuse for an offense. This offense is as lost as a blonde taking the SAT (JOKING) and I am freaking FED UP. Figure it the fuck out.

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